Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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