You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
