"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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