adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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