I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
