If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How external is "for external use only"?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
