it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
