Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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