I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
me + whiskey = a bad person
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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