My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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