I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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