Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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