Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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