she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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