i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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