I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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