i love accidental penises.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
