i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
