when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize