Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
