Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
