you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize