Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize