Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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