i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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