omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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