I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize