At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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