My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize