I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
