It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
