In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
