Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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