God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
