just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
