gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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