Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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