so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pants are for mortals
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
