I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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