I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
