i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
