so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize