On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
