he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
