lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
