My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
