also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
