Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
