She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
sex in a hospital.. check
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
