He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
