I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
