I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
