Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize