I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
