She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
