This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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