I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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