Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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