Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
