I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
