yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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