who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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