Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Randomize
