I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He shit in the fireplace
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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