I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
