You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We left the knife in your bed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
