Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
