i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
