I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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