$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
