OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
