Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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