You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
