They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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