If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
