He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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