I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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