:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
