At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
