we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
