guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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