I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
