So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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