So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
