Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize