The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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