I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
