They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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