Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
