Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
