It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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