I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize